Dealing with Dukkha
This post came in response to a question I responded to in one of my other posts, ‘Why Does Meditation Make Me Angry’– which, without fail, along with another similar post, ‘Why Does Meditation Make me Cry’ are the most read posts of the 150 posts currently on my blog. Each day they sit at the top of the daily read statistics – which says a lot about how people are responding to meditation, and what meditation is revealing to them about their inner environment.
So with those posts in mind, this post relates to the following question which appeared at the bottom of the post about anger:
“This is just what I needed. Thank you. I try to make meditation into a daily practice but sometimes I find it really difficult because when you experience a certain level of calmness the first few times you tend to have your expectations up that it will continue to get better and better in a smooth line but that is not the case. Do you think I should just push through even though it makes me feel worse sometimes?”
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And my reply?
Absolutely you should push through. Never stop.
One of my favorite quotes is one by Peter Brook, a famous theatre and film director, who said: “Never stop. One always stops as soon as something is about to happen.” And this is very true of meditation. The most profound breakthroughs and insights in meditation often happen right after the point where we’re about to give up, either from frustration, or because our mind and body seem like a total mess.
The important thing to remember is, nothing in this universe is permanent – and that includes the universe itself. Everything is constantly changing. And that especially goes for all the different ways we suffer. So when you feel worse during meditation, take solace that it will change – because that’s the nature of things.
And, as best as you can, keep going.
And this goes for all the times we suffer – acceptance is the key to being released.
In this I’ll refer to one of the Buddha’s core teachings which was, to put it simply, ‘life is dukkha’ (dukkha loosely meaning ‘imperfect and constantly changing, thereby causing suffering), Most people find this notion a bit depressing – but the Buddha was telling us something very important. He was telling us that dukkha in all its forms, of change and pain and all the things we dislike about life, is inevitable. As such, it must be accepted. To fight against it is like slapping at the ocean to stop the waves.
And what do we find when we fully accept the inevitable rhythms of life – of gain and loss, and pleasure and pain? We find that the more we ACCEPT everything, the less stressful life becomes.
That is, with acceptance, suffering loses its sting.
It seems counter-intuitive, doesn’t it. But if you look into all the ways we suffer, whether of physical pain, or depression, or anxiety or whatever, a large part of the hurt comes from the tension and anxiety that’s caused by our futile attempts to struggle against it – to deny it’s happening and resist it. When we try to avoid the inevitable suffering of life – to flinch against pain, or deny we’re anxious or depressed – it only makes us suffer all the more.
And this same principle applies to meditation, and those times when it causes discomfort of one kind or another. For example, when our mind is racing with thoughts and our attention is bouncing off the walls of our skull like a lunatic, the worst thing we can do is to try and force ourself to calm down. To force the mind to be one way or the other only causes it to become more agitated. Far better to accept this lunatic mind – relax around it and observe it without reacting.
Same with physical discomfort – aches and pains. Instead of tensing up around the discomfort in an effort to try and stop it, which only adds to it, far better to accept the sensations and relax around them.
This is a core lesson of meditation – that being, we’re seeking to create an ability to do the opposite of what we usually do in the face of suffering – to accept it rather than try and escape it, or flinch or fear it as we’re conditioned to do. Just as periods of calm and happiness are normal in a life, meditation teaches us that the suffering that arises from being alive in an imperfect world is also normal. It’s just the way of things. And if we can relax INTO what annoys us, or pains us – then, as I said before, suffering loses its sting.
The textures of living are always changing. Pleasure turns to pain, pain turns to pleasure. Happiness turns to misery, and misery turns back into happiness. Happiness, pain, pleasure, misery – even the words inflame us. Far better to accept that the comforts and discomforts we experience each day as just a life of different colors and textures that’s constantly changing. And you are like a surfer, riding the waves as they come and go.
Thank you for your question.
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Roger’s book, ‘BEING STILL – MEDITATION THAT MAKES SENSE’ is available now. Just click on the links below:
AUDIOBOOK (including ebook & MP3 exercises) – AUD $25.00
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Acceptance of all kinds of emotions as what they are and not what we are, is the hardest thing to me. But the good news is that it can be learned. I have been learning it, and while the progress is incremental, there is progress. I have you to thank for it.
Yes, it’s an unpopular idea, the acceptance of suffering, and it runs counter to the main driving force behind most humans – everybody wants to be happy. And it seems obvious to most, that to be happy one must seek it constantly and cling to it when it is here, and avoid everything that is not happiness. Whole empires are built on that fallacious need. But the irony is, the constant seeking of, and cling to happiness is the surest path to unhappiness, because it runs counter to the larger process of life itself – and the inevitable truth of constant change.
All the best to you,
Roger