It’s More Than Relaxation

So, let’s begin with a basic misconception about meditation and build from there. A friend once asked me a very simple question which, nonetheless, is an important piece of the meditation puzzle.

He asked me, ‘What’s the difference between relaxation exercises and meditation?’

At first glance this seems a simple, if uninformed, question – yet it’s entirely understandable given the way meditation has been trivialised by Western media as little more than an easy and efficient way to relax – a kind of natural high. For this reason, it’s a misconception that many friends and acquaintances repeat whenever they discover I meditate.

‘So … what is it?’ they say with the glimmer of a supercilious smirk. ‘Is it like … uh … sleep?’

In earlier times, I’d try to cram an entire meditation lesson into five minutes, because their ignorance seemed not so much offensive as sad – to me anyway. But now I don’t.

I just say, ‘No, it’s something else,’ and leave it at that.

And most times they forget it and we go on to talk about other things.

But if they ask another question: ‘So if it’s not relaxation, what is it?’ – then I might give a more detailed answer, which is what this chapter is about.

For sure, calm and relaxation does indeed sometimes occur as a by-product of meditation practice – but it’s not the point of meditation. After all, relaxation could arise from lots of things, so why meditate?

Trouble is, over the decades, meditation has been sold as a kind of natural tranquilliser – which leads to people mistaking what is only a by-product, for the purpose.

So I’ll say it again – meditation practice as a process has absolutely nothing to do with whether you’re relaxed or not.

Nor was it ever, in its ancient origins throughout Asia, about relaxation. Rather, it was viewed as rigorous training for something far more profound. In effect, it was designed to cleanse the mind of everything that stood in the way of a working understanding of ultimate reality – whatever that may be. And in this journey of purification, it was accepted that the path would take one through all kinds of states, from sublime bliss to the most excruciating suffering and back.

Now, for sure, feelings of well-being may well occur as a result of meditation. And meditating is certainly more pleasant if one is calm and relaxed.

But it doesn’t define the practice.

To anyone who truly understands meditation, the idea of practising simply for relaxation is misguided. The same goes for all the buzz-words – ‘calm’, ‘tranquillity’, ‘serenity’ and so on – all of which may arise, or they may not.

In the end, they are merely experiences along the way, not the purpose of the journey.

One of my meditation teachers, an old Sinhalese monk, once said, ‘Struggle is good! When you struggle in meditation, the mind learns more.’

This was a great relief to me, because in those earlier stages, influenced by all the books I’d read, I still have the expectation that, in some way, meditation would remove all the instinctive angst and discomfort I lived with. So, each year I came to the monastery thinking that surely this time meditation practice would go smoothly – only to find myself struggling with the same boredom, restlessness, daydreaming, itching, and aching I’d experienced last time.

As a result, I felt as though I was failing terribly (though not as badly as the Englishman in the hut next door, who used to beat his head against the wall muttering, ‘Thinking! Thinking! Thinking!!!!’).

So I was enormously reassured when my teacher helped me see that struggle was a part of the process – particularly when he laughed and added, ‘Calm is for when you are dead.’

Nevertheless, it took many years of practice for me to let go of my conditioned expectations of calm, relaxation and bliss, and begin to see meditation for what it actually is.

Which raises the obvious question: if meditation isn’t about calm and relaxation, what is it about?

Well, the short answer is that meditation and mindfulness are ways of retraining the mind to use its attention more efficiently – to become aware of which habits are in play, and what it is paying attention to. And in that awareness, be more instinctively discerning about what it chooses to energise with that attention.

Once we’ve practiced enough to develop this ongoing awareness, the mind naturally begins to process our life experience more efficiently.

We become less susceptible to being mindlessly led by the nose by our habits – particularly when it comes to how we react to the natural friction of everyday life. Through cause and effect, this then transforms the quality of our lives:

• We find it easier to let go of difficult and stressful situations.
• Decision-making becomes easier, because we can see through the dross of emotional flak that can obscure the obvious.
• Our body lives with less stress hormones because we’re not bouncing from reaction to reaction to the natural vicissitudes of our life.
• With less stress hormones coursing through our bodies, we experience less physical tension, and our health is naturally more balanced.
• Though we still experience the full gamut of emotions that life evokes, we are aware enough to navigate them and make wiser decisions.

So the purpose of meditation is to retrain the mind – the creator of our life experience – to operate more efficiently. 

And that training may take us through all kinds of experiences along the way. Fascinating insights may occur, and periods of calm, clarity or creativity – but these are not indicators of success or failure at any stage of meditation practice.

In fact, there is no such thing as success or failure in meditation. Unlike almost every other activity in life – sport, work, study, or even most hobbies – meditation has no performance indicator.

We simply practise. And we keep on practicing. We just do it.

It is that simple act of ‘just doing it’ that slowly changes our mental habits, creating a mind that is agile, clear, and increasingly able to see beyond our habits and conditioned reactions.

At that point, life becomes less like an obstacle course and more like an interesting journey through a fascinating landscape.

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Roger’s book, ‘BEING STILL – MEDITATION THAT MAKES SENSE’  is available now. Just click on the links below:

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